Thursday, March 17, 2011

No Tradebacks

When I was born, I WAS GOD.

I was God, and in those moments when I struggled
through sweat and screams and slipped into the cold hard hands
of this reality, I held EVERYTHING

everything

in
my tiny
clenched fists.

I was GOD and I held every question to every answer
every answer that has ever been questioned
eternal questions
internal answers
I whispered external
in sweet placental speech
                                             delivered into a world of pinky fingers.

I was GOD
born reciting bibles
proverbs texts and tablets
sermons and psalms
translating truth
speaking cosmology
in every dialect known to man
and some unknown

                                             And they taught me language
                                             with chin tickling fingers and funny faces
                                             goo goo ga ga  coochie coochie coo.

I was solving problems
converting mathematics to bone
physics to muscle
biology to blood
I was building intricate networks of
microfillament tinker toy neuro-electrical synapses
and they said

                                             oh isn't that cute!


I was red and yellow and black and white
and all shades of earth
and they held me in front of a mirror
pointed to my soft shallow shell
over and over
                         Thats you!
                                             Thats you!

until I could no longer recognize myself.

I defied gravity because I breathed magic
They grounded me
holding my hands, cooing

take a step
               take a step

when I was already leaping off the planet
leaving them all behind

I sat in the sun
feeling grass and dirt pulse
intimately conversing with trees and sky
discussing the developing universe
and the existential qualities of man
drinking rain and feasting on clouds
and they came along
scooped me up
brushed me off
scolded me

                                             Now look! 

You peed your pants!
                                            
You pooped your diaper!

I played with angels unicorns and dragons
made faces at gargoyles
My imaginary friends were ancestors
I danced with elves and faires through
fields of non-fiction BECAUSE THERE WAS
NO FICTION ONLY THE
TEXTURE
COLOR
SHAPE
FORMING
BEFORE MY NEWLY OPENED EYES

I was GOD!

and I TRADED IT ALL IN.

I traded it all in

I offered them every key to every past and every future
to every lock and chain
every shackle of every heart and  mind
incarcerated in this prison:
                                             
time

and they said
Now honey, don't play with those, you might lose them
taking them away
pressing into my hand a plastic reproduction
they believed opened all doors.

I gave them the mystery of immortality
they gave me superheroes and Scooby-Doo underwear.

I gave them future personified
they gave me a Big Wheel and a Brady Bunch lunchbox.

I gave them hope
they gave me history, I repeat
history, I repeat

this-story.

I gave them eternity
they gave me bedtime.

I traded it all in

                                            
No tradebacks.

I learned to see with my eyes
and all my imaginery friends disappeared     

(poof)

left me

became cold   

sculptured   

stone.

I was god
No tradebacks

But you know, I don't blame them.
don't hold it against them
don't judge them
I love them even more
because I KNOW THEY WERE GOD ONCE TOO

We are all
still
God.


and it is so easy learning to forget

so difficult this journey through life
grasping to remember


1 comment:

  1. I love the way you write your words!!

    ReplyDelete